{still standing} baby bump highlights

& here we are!  It is time for me to say good-bye for a bit.  Although I haven't been blogging much during my pregnancy, I have been working hard behind the scenes to make a three month (give or take) break possible.  Now I am 38 weeks pregnant & exactly two weeks away from my July 11 due date.  I grow more & more excited, as well as more & more nervous, with each passing day.  Most of all, I can't wait to meet our little guy & be his mama.

I'll leave you with a few highlights of my very blessed, very easy pregnancy . . .

Here is my first official baby bump photo!  I was about 24 weeks pregnant & loving our babymoon at Newport Beach.  Our babymoon was absolutely amazing.  Just imagine five relaxing days spent enjoying the beach & the pool, not to mention amazing meals at great restaurants.

Here is a sweet moment captured on Mother's Day, one of the first beautiful weekends of Spring.  I was about 31 weeks pregnant & stealing a quiet moment in the sun.  I was so happy to be spending Mother's Day with my baby bump & my fur baby.  All of us love soaking up the sunshine!

  
Last but not least, here are my hubs & I posing shortly before my baby shower began.  I was about 34 weeks pregnant & I was really glowing that day.  Let me tell you, my Mom & my sister hosted the most perfect, most adorable baby shower ever the backyard of my childhood home on a gorgeous day.  I will forever cherish the lovely memories of celebrating Baby Boy Koru with our family & friends.  

What a journey.  & to think this adventure is only beginning!

& that's a wrap, my friends!  Enjoy the long, lazy days of your Summer.  Let's meet back here in the Fall, shall we?

Photography: Kate Corpuz for Koru Wedding

{still standing} dream come true

I have been wanting & hoping & wishing & praying to write a post like this for what seems like forever . . .

I am so happy & excited to announce my husband & I are expecting a baby boy in July!  Words cannot even describe how over the moon we are about Baby Boy Koru.  It's a dream come true, & I count my lucky stars every day.

As most of you know, my journey towards parenthood has been long, winding & trying.  I last spoke of this journey about one year ago & I've been pretty mum since.  My silence wasn't because there was nothing to say.  Quite the contrary!  There was so much to say I could hardly put my experiences into a coherent post.  I hope to write about it someday, to remember the journey & to help others who may be experiencing something similar.  For now, all I can say is every step, every stumble & every fall was worth it.

It's not lost on me that this particular adventure is just beginning.  I won't breathe easy until Baby Boy Koru is safe, happy & healthy in my arms.  But my worries are merely a footnote in this journey.  I am truly enjoying every moment of my pregnancy, basking in its glory & wonder.  

What does this mean for Koru Wedding?  In a complete leap of faith last summer, I decided not to accept any 2014 weddings.  It didn't seem fair to compromise the time, attention & passion I devote to Koru clients & weddings because I was either hugely pregnant or juggling a newborn.  Thankfully, my decision was the right one since Baby Boy Koru will be here soon!  I will consider 2015 weddings on a case-by-case basis & I hope to be fully back in the wedding game by 2016.

As for Koru Wedding Style, I will do my best.  I'm sure most of you have noticed I have had trouble blogging & visiting other blogs regularly since the summer.  Now you know I had good reason!  From here on out, I will blog when inspiration strikes.  Hopefully, that will be fairly often!  No promises.

Koru Wedding is based upon the inspiration & celebration of new beginnings.  To me, that's always meant weddings.  Now I've expanded my horizons to realize Baby Boy Koru is a new beginning for my family, one that deserves my complete & full attention.  & so it goes!    

Thank you for sharing in my exciting news! 

Photography: Kate Corpuz for Koru Wedding on Instagram  

{Guest Posting} Hope Over Heartache

Last week while I was in Key West for a destination wedding, something pretty big happened.  My guest post, Hope Over Heartache, was published in Still Standing Magazine.  I am beyond honored.  Almost one year ago, Still Standing encouraged women like me to share their stories.  I somehow found the courage to write & share my story of life after miscarriage.  From my first story & my following stories, I received tremendous support from family, friends, acquaintances, readers & strangers.  It was simply amazing.  Now that exact story appears on Still Standing Magazine & if it brings just one reader a little peace & comfort, then I have given something back.

In related news, National Infertility Awareness Week is taking place right now.  Its mission is to help change the conversation about infertility, bring infertility support groups to every community and increase access to all family building options.  If you or someone you know suffers from infertility, I encourage you to share National Infertility Awareness Week & Still Standing Magazine with them.  & give them a BIG hug!

If you would like to read my story of life after a miscarriage, please visit Hope Over Heartache in Still Standing Magazine.  Thank you so much from the very bottom of my heart!

Image: Still Standing Magazine

{Still Standing} Tears in the City

Last February, my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks.  Since then, I've been on this wild ride of finding the grace & courage to heal & try again, most of which has been documented in my monthly Still Standing posts.  Still Standing Magazine, an online magazine dedicated to embracing life after loss & infertility, hosts The Journey on the first Tuesday of each month & urges woman like me to share where they are in their journey toward motherhood.  I talked about how I felt each month after my miscarriage with 11 Months & 12 Months never being written or published because sometimes my heart just can't handle it.  Now that my miscarriage was over a year ago, I plan to keep up my monthly Still Standing posts, just with more of a free form style.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, my husband & I tumbled out of a yellow cab onto the streets of Manhattan for our first infertility appointment.  The familiar city enveloped us quickly with its honking horns, street food smells & rush, rush, rush of people.  We walked a block or two looking for the doctor's office when I spotted them.  Everything else fell away, all I could see or hear was them.

The woman was sobbing & leaning against a wall.  The man was standing near her, whispering to her & holding her hand.  We were standing outside a hospital, she could have been crying for any number of reasons.  Perhaps a loved one received a bleak diagnosis or a loved one passed away.  But no, my heart heard & understood the sad, helpless cries of someone just like me.  Someone who wants to be a mom so badly, yet just seems to face month after month of disappointment & desperation.  My heart went out to her.

The moment came & went in mere seconds as my husband pulled me along to the doctor's office which he had finally located across the street.  Through the glass doors, up the stainless steel elevator & into the hushed world of infertility.  The waiting room was filled with woman of all shapes, sizes & colors.  Ordinary women you could easily pass on the street & never know their struggles to have a child.  Just like me.  Infertility is an invisible, yet very powerful, monster.  

Our first infertility appointment was long & thorough.  I suppose we are counted among the lucky ones.  Large ovarian cysts were found & surgery was scheduled for the cyst removal.  Costly, draining infertility treatments have been avoided.  After the surgery & proper recovery time, we were given the good, happy news that we should be able to conceive naturally.  Hope, albeit a very cautious hope, has come back into our lives; she is welcomed with open arms & hearts.

As we left that first appointment with hope gingerly blossoming in our battered hearts, I saw the crying woman & the quiet man sitting in the waiting room.  They were both silent, her eyes red & puffy, his eyes blank & distant.  I was right, my heart had recognized her cries.  

Now that we are thisclose to our dream of a rainbow baby, I think of the couple often.  I wonder if they still burst into tears on city streets or if they have their happy ending.  I pray & wish for the latter.  Wherever they may be in their journey, may comfort & hope be theirs.           

{Still Standing} 10 Months

Later this week, December 6 will mark 10 months since my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.

On the first Tuesday of each month, I link up with The Journey at Still Standing Magazine to discuss where I am on my journey towards motherhood after a devastating miscarriage last February.  No, this monthly post has nothing to do with my true passion, weddings.  But life does continue after the beautiful wedding & it's not always all sunshine & rainbows.  I have gotten through this tough time largely due to the support received, & hopefully given, from Still Standing encouraging me to share my journey.  Here I am at Month 10.

Life has been happening to keep my mind off the miscarriage & its aftermath, things like hurricanes, holidays & ovarian cysts.  Yes, ovarian cysts.  Let me back up for a moment.

After much discussion & research, my husband & I chose a new doctor who specializes in reproductive medicine.  A doctor who can help us figure out why I haven't gotten pregnant again, help me get pregnant & help me stay pregnant until the birth of our healthy rainbow baby.  That's our hope anyway.  I wasn't surprised that many others have the same hopes &, therefore, I had to wait over a month for my first appointment on the day before Thanksgiving.

While others were prepping their turkeys & dusting off their fine china, I had my first appointment which was long & thorough.  The ovarian cysts were discovered during a routine ultrasound.  I have one large & one medium cyst in my right ovary & one large cyst in my left ovary.  Their discovery explains a lot of symptoms I've experienced & blamed on other things.  These unwelcome guests must go; their eviction (surgery) is scheduled for early 2013.

We should have more answers & a better idea of what comes next after the surgery.  For this, I am thankful.  At last!  I feel confident & hopeful that we will be ready for whatever it may be.  Bring it on.  

Thus far, my journey towards motherhood has taken me down, up & all around.  Hope & grief ride the roller coaster with me, although I keep wishing grief's safety belt will break & send him crashing.  Each twist & turn brings something new, usually largely unexpected.  At this stage, I can only hold on tight & hope for the very best!